I got a tattoo that says dogs

I got a tattoo that says dogs

I’m reading in bloomington in a few hours at the root cellar w/ dan hogan (via australia), michelle gottschlich, more

I’m reading in bloomington in a few hours at the root cellar w/ dan hogan (via australia), michelle gottschlich, more

cleveland zoo

this rain / boundless grey sheet sky reminds me of working at the cleveland zoo

i sold tickets to get in, sold weird little fish to throw to the seals, sold magenta colored sugar nectar in plastic tubes to feed the birds

i remember reading a bukowski book while selling bird nectar

i would take smoke breaks in a tent where ppl ate their lunches

almost nobody came to the zoo when it was raining

which meant i would be in the tent more often on those days

i got fired for clocking in 1 minute late

my supervisor yelled at me while i stared stolidly / said nothing

i think i was supposed to feel bad about myself / something about time

on rainy days i imagined the animals getting drenched but secretly enjoying it because no one was using their image that day to feel fulfilled / happy

like william blake standing in the objectivity of a storm or some shit

photo of me in the year 1996

photo of me in the year 1996

photo of me in the year 2011

photo of me in the year 2011

photo of me in the year 2009

photo of me in the year 2009

riding bikes to kroger at midnight to get melatonin and mineral water in athletic shorts and boat shoes no socks

that summer feelin’

i play in the horn section of a doom band now

i don’t actually know if we are a doom band / what doom music is really, just like, on flyers i noticed it says we are a doom band

on our facebook page it says ‘bleak midwest’ in the description box

at house show we played last night there was a balding person in a cape w/ some kind of mask/headdress on smacking/adjusting effects pedals that were connected to a laptop w/ their hands from a genuflecting position which resulted in random bursts of scary sounding/seeming noises

the cables that connected the pedals seemed semi nonfunctional and kept losing connection w/ each other and making the scary sounds cut in/out, which i thought could have been part of the act

at the end of the set the balding person stood up, bowed slightly, then chugged a can of hamm’s brand beer

felt like i was in a haunted house several times

closed my eyes during the balding person’s set and imagined i was in a spaceship crashing into a sedimentary landscape on some alien planet, clutching a spaceship’s chair’s arms, bracing the crash, which seemed to endure for several hundred miles

the only bands i have heard on the wikipedia article for doom metal are black sabbath and sunn o)))

according to the article there are many kinds of sub-doom

black-doom, drone doom, funeral doom, sludge doom, death-doom, stoner doom, epic doom, traditional doom

was described to a friend by a show attendee as ‘the new grungy member of [doom band]’, i think, because i was wearing flannel / have long hair

during the two shows we have played i close my eyes almost the entire time and make various, what i feel are, ‘free jazzish’ noises/notes via saxophone until i almost faint / pass out from shortness of breath

our trumpet player gary and i call our singer ‘the vision’

most of the time i have no idea what is going on

at the show i drank a large glass bottle of mineral water, which i don’t really know what that is either,¬†mineral water

Arc Lamp:

The only way of knowing a person is to love that person without hope.

Walter Benjamin (via carrieabigstick)

running

started hailing today while i was running

became worried about what to do then realized all i could do was keep running

imagined a flood coming or a blizzard and realized the same would be true

i would just keep running

usually run until i sweat an oval in my shirt but it is cold out now so i don’t sweat as much and don’t know how far to run

just run for what seems like arbitrary amounts of time

when i first start running my ankles / shins / calves feel like they have concrete inside of them and i want to stop right away

today i imagined myself running before i went running and thought of that photo of neanderthal human evolving / morphing into modern human, like that as what running is / feels like to me

tried to take a shortcut today after it started hailing but there was a fence i hadn’t foreseen, so i had to climb the fence, which felt like i was in a video game for some reason

zoomed out on video game character me and pressed buttons in my mind to climb the fence, stand on top of it and jump down

my health bar slightly lowered because i cut my palm open from climbing and hopping the fence

i looked up and i was in an apartment complex parking lot 

two people were getting into a red car

when people earlier in the day ask me what i am doing later in the day and i say ‘probably gonna go on a run’ they seem impressed and interested, like i had said i was going to practice some obscure hobby like fencing or candle making

after i run i sit on the carpet and stretch and focus on my breath while my dog steps on me, signaling he is wanting something but not knowing how to / what